


On Regret and Eternity

by likeasouffle



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Basically Crowley drinks and feels bad about killing Ligur, Canonical Character Death, Guilt, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 05:17:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20700566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likeasouffle/pseuds/likeasouffle
Summary: "Sometimes," Crowley said, "I think about what it would be like if you were destroyed. Never being able to talk to you again, not just for six thousand years. Not just for sixhundredthousand years, not just for sixbillion, but forever and forever and forever." He had reached the maudlin stage of drunkenness some time ago, and was steadily approaching morose. "Sometimes I think about that, and I regret killing Ligur."--In which Crowley contemplates permanent death and Aziraphale is a bit of a selfish bastard.





	On Regret and Eternity

"Sometimes," Crowley said, "I think about what it would be like if you were destroyed. Never being able to talk to you again, not just for six thousand years. Not just for six _ hundred _ thousand years, not just for six _ billion_, but forever and forever and forever." He had reached the maudlin stage of drunkenness some time ago, and was steadily approaching morose. "Sometimes I think about that, and I regret killing Ligur."

Aziraphale frowned. This was not where he had expected this train of thought to go.

"Because," Crowley continued, "as much as I hate Hastur, as much as he's a bastard who isn't worthy of the dirt he walks on, I took away his best friend. I did that. And now he has to spend the rest of eternity without him."

Aziraphale sipped his wine. He had been looking very relaxed, slumped in his armchair, but he straightened up a bit when he replied. "It's Hastur you feel for? Not Ligur himself?"

Crowley shrugged. "What does Ligur care? He's dead."

Aziraphale shook his head. Trust Crowley to miss the point. "But what if it was you?"

"Wouldn't matter to me." At Aziraphale's startled gasp, he waved his hand as if to wave the worry away. "Don't misunderstand, I don't want to die. But if I _ was _ dead, I wouldn't be around to have any feelings about it. It's _ your _ death that would matter. I'm the one that would have to deal with it then. And with Ligur gone, Hastur's the one that has to deal with it."

"Do you think they felt about each other the way you do about me?"

"How do you mean?"

Aziraphale spoke carefully, with a gentle tone of voice. "I wonder if you might be projecting. A little. I expect Hastur will be able to make new friends. There are lots of other demons around in Hell, I saw them. He's not going to be alone."

Crowley frowned skeptically and continued drinking.

"Would it be helpful for me to give you my forgiveness?"

Crowley shook his head. "Not really. Sorry. I know you just want to make it better. But it won't change what happened."

"Well, I forgive you anyway. You were afraid for your life. You were defending yourself. And I know I'm not supposed to think things like this, but I'm infinitely grateful it was him and not you. I know you feel badly for Hastur, but I've spent some time considering this too, and my eternity without you would be at least as unbearable as yours without me."

Crowley looked up at Aziraphale then, and from the look on his face, it was clear that he either hadn't considered that before, or hadn't believed it. 

"So when it comes down to it," Aziraphale said, "I'm not sorry for what happened. And I forgive you."

**Author's Note:**

> [Here's a link to the Tumblr post](https://likearumchocolatesouffle.tumblr.com/post/187822142385/on-regret-and-eternity-good-omens-fic). I very much appreciate comments and reblogs! Thank you! :)


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